Caysen: 1 Month. A Letter.

Dear Caysen,

Boy - have you taken us for a wild, wild ride this first month. We were eagerly anticipating your arrival, talking about what a change it would be for Camden and how he would take on the role of big brother while you slipped easily into the little brother role.

We talked about what it would be like for you to join us, having two car seats in the back, we planned to show you off to Grandparents and to take you to church and to wear you around while chasing your spunky almost 3 year old brother.

Little did we know that you and God had different plans for us. A completely different path to travel, a overgrown and wooded path that not many around us even knew existed.

That Sunday morning we had no idea how close we would cut things, or how different our lives would be. Forever. Despite spending the first month of your life dealing with emotions we never expected, events we could have never predicted in our wildest dreams, we still count ourselves so lucky to be your parents.

It has been a long month, one that started out with barely being able to touch or cuddle you, to now being able to feed you and actually see your eyes. It's amazing how far you have come. It was so long before I got to see those eyes again. Far too long.

You have been through more than anyone else I know, and you are only a month old.

Here are a few stats:

You weigh in at 7lbs and 11 ounces and are 53 cm long (20.8 inches or something like that). You are wearing size one diapers - they are huge on you. You were wearing preemie for a LONG time, but once you started retaining fluid after your first open heart surgery - they switched you to a size one after putting you on all of those diuretics. And boy, you were able to FILL them up for sure.

You are still wearing newborn clothes - in fact you have only been wearing clothes for about 3 days now. Your incision has healed nicely and you came off of most of your monitors and IV lines so you are allowed clothes.

You tend to run on the cool side very easily. We keep you wrapped up and your temp will still be below normal - yet you might even be a little sweaty under your little arms.

Occasionally you will get a line down your face - where one side will be a completely different color than the other side. Dr Jackson said that is just because you are a heart baby.

You are starting to look around more, take things in and track things. You aren't awake very much, I'm sure it's hard to recover from a surgery like that. You usually have an awake hour or two per shift.

You love to cuddle, and mommy loves it too!

We have only had you home for a mere 18 hours our so - before you got sick, but we cannot wait for what is to come. For you to come home. Again. You are our little heart warrior - you are stronger than the entire family combined, and you are nothing short of an absolute miracle after surviving what you did. Each day nurses come up to me and recall the day you came in - stating they can't believe you are the same baby. I'm so happy to hear that - it goes to show that God is SO GOOD. Caysen, if there is one thing I want you to get out of all of these trials you will go through in your little life - it's that God is taking care of you, and he will see you through it all. He has already seen you through so so so so much.

We love you to the moon and back, stay strong!!      

one month picture

I love this shot because he's looking at his Daddy. :)