Spot or Not

Things have been chaotic around these parts lately. If it's not one thing, it's another. We finally regrouped after the sickies of brain cysts, strep and teething (yay for finally getting those canines!) and have been out and about enjoying ourselves. Camden has been loving playing at the park at our nearby school, now that it's back after being under construction allllll summer.

 

Luckily for Husband and little C, they are healthy and happy. For me? I just can't quite win. I got rid of strep and found out about cysts and since then I have been growing little dry red patches on my skin. Ringworm maybe? Where do I get this stuff? I've been treating with antifungal cream but no avail. It is expired cream, so maybe it needs longer? It doesn't seem to be changing the spots, in fact, I seem to be growing new ones. Yet, Husband and C don't seem to have an awkward spots anywhere. So who knows? I have been told to switch to cortizone cream, thanks to Malissa. It looks like I need to make the switch. Maybe I need to go to a doctor? Oye. So over doctors.

 

Camden is up to a few new things. He and I get into a game called "I love you" and I will say "I love you Camden" and he will say "I You Momma", (I and You are kinda pushed together so he thinks he's saying I love you) and we repeat it back and forth until someone forgets or quits saying it. It's adorable. He is becoming a huge fan of red. You will ask him what shirt he wants to wear and he will say "red". If he pees on the potty he wants a red M&M (and we are in very short supply of those around here). He is fighting going to bed a little at nighttime, He just seems to have enough energy to stay up, like a 7th wind or something by that point. He's pretty stinking adorable, even when he's cranky. He has NOT been a fan of pants. It was like pulling teeth to get him to wear those. Also he fights putting on a coat in the mornings. But by the time we get to school? He refuses to take it off. Kids are so silly!

 

They are learning about community helpers at school and this week has been all about the firefighter. They painted pictures of a fire and even practiced dialing the 9-1-1 and calling for 'Help', then practicing the stop, drop and roll. And from what I hear it is absolutely ADORABLE. Can you picture a bunch of young two year olds working on stop-drop-roll? Love it.

 

I can see his communication just increasing and it's pretty darn cool. He is picky and likes things his way, so he has trouble when Mom and Dad want to do things their way. Of course, that's just how two year olds work, but man, that is some work. I can see how some people have kids and are all "one and done" type thing. It's hard to raise them right, definitely takes patience and perseverance!

He also has a nightly thing where he likes to get out of the tub/shower and I hide his milk in the kitchen and he has to find it. I take him in there and hold him and he just stares and looks around while trying to find where I have hidden it. It's so cute watching him look and talk it out with himself. He loves the game, and cries if I forget to "hide milk". 

He can count to fourteen and knows all of his colors. He is absolutely fantastic at matching shapes and working puzzles independently but he's still working on his ABCs. I am one very proud Momma! 

C and I are always looking at each other and saying, "he looks so big". He's getting so heavy to carry around and is so independent. 

Alright, time to go treat some spots!!

Sheldon: Part 3.

It appears I owe a Sheldon update, since I got more news last week.

I started calling the doctor that I was given my second referral to last Monday. They swore they never got my referral when I called, which frustrated me.

I called my doctors office to verify, they said yes it went through, that the referral lady was wrong.

I called the neurosurgeon's office back. The referral specialist said "oh yeah! I forgot to check the floor. I do have it but I will need a copy of the report". (The floor? Might not be the best filing system. Just sayin'.)

I'm at work so I'm thinking, "awesome. It's at home!" So, I call the sweet secretary at the MRI place and she is so SO helpful, offering to print it off and fax it over for me.

Tuesday comes so I call the doctors office back. She says she got the info and will call to set up an appointment later that day if she "finishes with her project" and if not she will call early Wednesday.

Cue Wednesday. She calls early, says the doctor read my report and can tell by where the offending spot is located that its a "benign cyst" and that I need a follow up scan in 6 months. She says the doctor told her that I could still schedule and appointment and pay the co pay, but he is still going to say the same thing.

I still have a question. So I ask the referral specialist to go back to him and ask how strict he is on the six months. Could it wait a year? Does it have to be just six months? How serious is it?

So she calls me back Thursday. She tells me that waiting 6-12 months is fine, I have no symptoms so its not a big deal and she will tell my PCP what they recommend.

Whew! Relief!!!!

And it saved me twenty bucks for now!

I am completely at ease with this. While it may sound like the neurosurgeon is blowing me off, I don't take it that way. I was given his name by two different people as being the best in town. If that's the case, I don't doubt his expertise. He says I can wait, I'll wait. He says it a cyst, then it is. God has given me so much peace through this and has really taught me so much about patience. It is so hard to live by it, so when we are forced to live it - it can really be a learning experience. This for SURE was one of those times. So as frustrating as it was to find out its nothing? To sit around and wait on doctors? It was teaching me that its really not all about me, and what I want. It's up to Him.

Such an eye opener! We just had a sermon in church talking about tithing and how when you return what is God's to him, you will see his blessings pour out. In fact, this is the one part of the Bible where God says "test me in this". Our campus pastor was sure to mention that not all blessings in return are going to be financial. We are faithful in regular tithing in our household. And this blessing of good health?

Simply means God's blessing me for faithfulness.

That I am beyond blessed and highly favored. And totally don't deserve it!

Sheldon, get your feet off the furniture!

I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about Sheldon quite a bit.

Cause I do. It's natural, right? I mean, what's he doing in there, just chillin' with his feet up reading a magazine and drinking a cold one?

Has he been there all my life? Did he show up with hormone changes like pregnancy? Has he grown a lot or has he always just existed? Where exactly is he?

It's weird having all these questions to ask and no way to really answer. Not until I meet a doctor at least. Oh, ya know...One of those people that I have had to hurry up and wait for.

The latest on the doctor saga is this: our health system moves SLOW. I asked for a referral and my doc reluctantly put one in to OU Neurology. (in my eyes, that should have been a red flag right there..OU?? Bleh.) They had two full weeks before I started calling them up. Finally when I did it took everything I had to not go all Charlie Sheen on them or something. I called three times in one day, clearly stating my issue and how I already have scans from a very fancy machine here in town and I just need them read. I'm telling the receptionist my life story when she finally looks me up on the computer and says "oh you're in the system, the referral specialist will call you back". So I waited for that call from the referral specialist.

Nothing.

So I called again the early next day, this time with a hint of frustration and pissy in my tone. The same receptionist stating, "oh I remember you, she should call back. Be sure and leave her a message honey". By the end of that day with no return call, I called my primary doc and requested a new referral.

Turns out they are equally slow paced, taking FOUR days to put in a new referral even though this time I was specific on which doctor I wanted as even provided them with the name, address and phone of the new doctor.

So, there I was. In a holding pattern. Luckily for me, Husband has a fantastic cousin whose amazing spouse works with MRIs.

And he was able to hook me up. I have these CDs in my possession that I can't open at home cause I have a Mac. Even if I could open them my untrained eye wouldn't see anything. So he was able to take them to work and tell me what he thought.

And he says it's definitely there. It's definitely hanging out. Looks like a cyst? He said he has seen some Sheldon's before, and he did a little research on them. Apparently they are more common in women. Definitely will need a follow up scan with contrast.

Not sure what the plan will be but since I have no symptoms? It looks like he gets to continue to sit back and chill on his couch that is my brain and drink his beer, as long as the neurosurgeon agrees.

I can't tell you what a relief it is to at least have a little insight into the situation. It has been so hard to be patient. I am learning so much from this, learning to be still, be calm.

I've been reading some of Steven Furtick's book Sun Stand Still. And it's about teaching you how to pray and to believe God can do the impossible. So, I'm taking a huge lesson and leap of faith and putting it all in His hands. What else is there to do? Honestly, this solution allows me the most peace anyway. How people do without that peace?

I'll (thankfully) never know.

9/11 Randomness

I want to start this post off by saying, 9/11, we will never forget. It's one of those moments you'll never forget, like what I talked about the other day.

It is such a defining moment in our history that I didn't want to not recognize it before I continue on with my rather unimportant information I plan to sputter out.

*Camden weighs 26.5 pounds. He is so tall and so heavy now a days. It's so weird.

*People sometimes don't think he's my kid. I mean, he is SO blonde. Should I die my hair back blonde? (ohkay - not really. I mean I get my hair cut three times a year, so my roots would be AWFUL). Plus the back of his head is definitely getting darker. Sad face.

*I am dying to watch the Hunger Games. Maybe one day I'll actually have the time to watch it. The series was an AMAZING read, so I am really looking forward to it.

*I am still waiting on a call from my referral. I called the doctors office last Friday and they put in the referral the day I went to my PCP, and that was 8/24. After I asked they gave me the phone number to the doctor they referred me to. I called them THREE TIMES last Friday leaving messages starting at 8am and got ABSOLUTELY no response. Not a fan. I called again today and left a message and of course got no call back. I called my doctor to inquire about a referral elsewhere. Such a PAIN in the rear. And I bet I won't get an appointment for another MONTH at least.

*Church has been really amazing lately. Between the sermons at church regarding having a failproof marriage and how to not be financially strapped and then special talks to the ladies from the pastor's wife, It really helped me to see a different perspective on things. I mean, it really isn't about me. It's about Him. So does it matter what I am doing, needing or wanting? Not at all. Also, are we Godly? What does that mean? To me it means asking for His help before I have a reaction. I'm really working on thinking before I speak or act, because some of my reactions to things just are NOT NECESSARY. I think this has been a huge lesson for me.

*Another lesson God is teaching me right now? Without a doubt is PATIENCE. See two stars above. After I typed that I realized that again, I am not just waiting and knowing that he will take care of this. Waiting is so hard.

*Lastly, I have been learning how to just not worry. Which is a definite plus as worrying is a sin. But, I am being a little TOO casual at times, even wanting to blow this whole neurology thing off. I know I am doing the right thing by getting it checked out, but it's such a pain that I just want to write it off and forget it, chalk it up to a headache the day of my first MRI and just continue living my life. But, that is not the right answer. Praying for wisdom!

*I am loving that we have an abundance of cantaloupe in our backyard. It makes a nice breakfast snack!

*I'm hoping to borrow a new read from my sister in law - Sun Stand Still. It's a book by Steven Furtick that's been out a while, considering he just launched his second book. But, I really could use a new read and it was a great two week sermon that he preached in church a while back.

*It's a small world. Found out some people that I volunteer with at church actually work with my sister in law. I love things like that, I really do!!

Okay, well I think that is all of the random bullet points for now.

Party Planning and Sheldon

I have spent the past few weeks prepping for Little C's birthday party that is coming up. I am LOVING preparing for it. Searching pinterest and collaborating with my co-party thrower has been SO MUCH fun. I must say we have pretty good ideas and it should be a pretty cute party. I can't wait to enjoy the special day with our birthday kids.

In fact, I think I'm going to be sad when it's all over. Making little C's bithday special is something that I actually really enjoy. We have banners made, subway art and other decorations. We are making birthday cakes and desserts the night before, hoping for no issues! ;)

The only other thing we need to cooperate? Is the weather. Hurricane Issac is trying to make things difficult. Even though the storm is only moving at 6mph as of early Thursday, apparently they think it will swing wide enough to get a little bit of Oklahoma. Supposedly it's moving faster by Thursday afternoon and we will get rain FRIDAY instead. Praying that there is a minimal chance of rain on Saturday, otherwise the water slide people will not come to set it up. Fingers crossed!

Other than that, I have no Sheldon updates. It's been a week, and nothing new. I am waiting on a phone call for my referral. I have all of my scans and my report in hand, I just need another appointment. That's the hard part, the waiting. I just want to see someone and be done with all this. I really think I came home with a headache after that first scan. I mean, would that throw the whole thing off? Could it be a precursor for something else? Ah. Only time will tell.

Other than that, not much else going on. Preparing for the great bake off tonight, and a party Saturday. I can't believe we are celebrating his SECOND year!!

The Spot: Sheldon

I named the Spot.

I shall call it Sheldon after one of my favorite shows, The Big Bang Theory.

After all, Sheldon is kind of a pain in my life like he is in his friends' lives on the show. ;)

Anyway. I went to my pcp this past Friday afternoon to have her read the summary. She brushed it of as nothing, telling me that "we all have freckles and moles on the outside, I'm sure the inside is the same". I told her I wanted to follow up anyway and she got kind of cranky, asking me if the brain research place was going to pay for this MRI because insurance isn't going to like it and it's going to be expensive.

So, that was a relief at least. I got someone to tell me straight up its not a tumor or anything quite THAT serious. After a second opinion from a friend's dad, I decided the neurologist referral is the right next step, and I will hopefully gain more insight into what exactly the "cysts" or "lesions" are. Ideally I would like for a neurologist to view the image and just tell me it's something simple, and I can relax and let it go without a contrast MRI. But if not, I'm prepared. It is better safe than sorry, so here goes nothing.

At this point I'm just waiting on a phone call from a neurologist to set up an appointment, thus beginning the hurry up and wait game. I'm continuing to pray for peace and calmness, the best thing I can do is trust that He knows whats going on.

Thanks for your continued thoughts and prayers!

The Spot

 

So much going on around these parts lately. So sweet, exciting and bittersweet. Shocking too. 

 

You know how you feel like everything is smooth sailing in your life, and that you have had very few speedbumps recently, and then you think, surely there's got to be some challenges and trials, right? 

 

Allow me to further elaborate while I struggle to get my thoughts together.

 

There are times in life where you remember exactly what you were doing, where you were, or even what you wore, when faced with a big event.

 

For example, the OKC Bombing. I was in gym class in 6th grade. While we were in the locker room changing into our gym clothes a girl named Emmy came up to me and said, "someone set a bomb off a building in Oklahoma City, it's huge and tore the whole building up". I remember being skeptical. I mean, what did she know? Turns out, she was right. It was massive. As the day unfolded, TVs were on in every classroom and we learned the horror of what happened.

 

9/11. I was a freshman in college, in the middle of a Family Relations and Child Development Class. My teacher was not concerned, despite hearing reports that Tinker AFB which is nearby to my college campus had gone on red alert thinking they could be next. No one knew what to expect, most professers let students return to their dorm and watch the news, account for family, etc. Not my teacher. She lectured like nothing happened. I remember hightailing it out of class to get back to my dorm room to discuss with my bestie, Malissa. I mean, surely it's not OKC all over again, right? Turns out, it was worse.

 

There are other little events that I recall. I found out OJ got aquitted while on the school bus on the way home. A boy climbed on and hollered "The Juice is Loose, BABY". When Princess Diana died I was in 9th grade, I remember the teacher of my Biology class discussing it with the students. I think his lesson was to wear your seatbelt and drive safe, since we were all in Driver's Ed at that time.

 

What do most of these events all have in common? Any guesses?

 

Okay, I'll tell you. They are usually traumatic events. Something awful happened, and you'll never forget who told you, or that feeling in your gut when you got told.

 

I had one of those events recently. In fact, it was Tuesday, the night before Camden's 2nd birthday. 7pm to be exact. Husband and I were getting Camden ready for bed, they were showering. I was getting Camden's PJs laid out and my phone rang. I thought, what on earth is this number? Often, when I see a number I don't know, I ignore the call. I decided to go ahead and take it. I mean, what the heck. Turns out it was a guy from the Brain Research place that I volunteered at a month or so earlier to do a paid research study that involved an MRI. And before I realized what was happening, he was telling me that they saw "a spot". He said they had already sent my scans to a neuroradiologist in OKC for review. And they recommended further testing, so they wanted me to follow up with my primary care doctor and go from there. I was calm and collected until I hung up the phone. Asking any question I could think of, but of course after hanging up I had a bazillion more. During the phone call the guy stuttered a lot, having difficulty finding words. I don't think I was really worried until he asked me how my health had been, if I had been sick since my MRI or anything like that. When I answered, "no" and he seemed a little shocked, that's what I keep overanalyzing.

 

Such a punch in the gut. And probably one of those events where I will remember the phone call vividly. Also, I'm a professional over analyzer apparently. So after a rough night of coming to terms with the news I'd been given, I had to let go of it. I had to work my way into telling people about it in person without becoming upset. I gave myself 24 hours of upset time. After that? Absolutely not allowed. I don't have time to be upset or worry, there is too many other things to be grateful for. And ultimately, God has his hand in this like he has in every other area of my life. When I start to question things or doubt or start to play the "what if" game, I have to stop myself. I don't allow myself to go there. God's got this. If it is something, we were meant to find it early. If it's not? It still has a purpose. I just have to wait and see what God is revealing to me.

 

In the meantime, prayers are appreciated. I have an appointment with my primary doctor on Friday afternoon to get a referral and all I can do is go from there. It's the waiting game. Also to the ten people that read this blog that I know in real life, I did not make it facebook official, so please no posts. It's more of a personal thing at this point. Also? I'm going to name the spot. I've been known to name things such as the cyst I had in my wrist in high school, so why should this be any different? Name is to be determined.

 

And I'll leave you with a verse that really spoke to me the other day when it popped up on my daily Bible reading plan on YouVersion..

 

She is clothed in strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. Proverbs 31:25