Caysen: Two Months. A Letter.

Another roller coaster of a month has gone by, and you are continuing to grow and change before our very eyes.

This month the roller coaster started out with a warning from one of your neonatologists about your brain. We knew there was a significant bleed, but had never been told that the ventricles were swelling. In addition to that information they discussed the possibility of needing a shunt placed in your brain. 

After more waiting and testing and even more praying, we were told the ventricles were decreasing in size and the blood was clearing. Another example of God's healing through you and how beautiful it is! 

In this time you have also gotten a G a tube for feeds, since you just couldn't keep up. It's a lot of work eating all the food they want you to eat! Its hard for you to keep up with how many calories you need and how many you burn with your little heart working overtime! When you had the tube placed they also checked out your other organs and did a liver biopsy since you have been stooling white for a week. White stool means absence of bile, which is backing up in your body. You are noticeably yellower/tanner these days and that is what we have to figure out! 

You are continuing to be more awake, tracking things, even a few awake smiles. You are supposed to get 70ml every three hours, you are on five medications. You still rarely cry. You weighed 8lbs and 9oz at two months and are 22inches. You are still in newborn diapers, wearing newborn and 0-3 month clothes. 

Mommy had to return to work this month. It has been so hard, having your heart in multiple places. I just want to sit with you, be with you and work on getting your food taken by mouth.  I have had to learn to give up even more control than what I had, and being away from you is so hard. I know you are in good hands though. 

Caysen, I don't know how to even put into words how much you have taught me in your two months. You are a lesson and a reminder to me daily how precious life is, how important it is to savor every moment, every breath, every feeding, etc. Each new day is a reason to celebrate that we have been graced with another sweet day with you. You are our sunshine, our hope and joy, our testimony that God is so so good. 

As long as I'm living my baby you'll be,

Mommy

My sister thinks Caysen has a striking resemblance to Cam from Modern Family. I'll admit - I do see it! :)

Almost Losing My Baby to a Congenital Heart Defect...

I delivered Caysen via C section on Thursday, June 27th. He came out crying and hollering, making all kinds of racket. I had my friend in the delivery room to take pictures since Husband doesn't do well with blood and guts.

While the doctor was stitching me up and finishing, they brought my sweet baby boy over to kiss on the cheek. They mentioned he was having problems breathing and took him to the nursery. They told me I would not be able to get up for 12 hours and they would bring my boy in once he was doing better. They said he just had too much fluid on his lungs from being c sectioned out. Finally, 12 hours later at ten at night they mentioned that I could go in to see him and try and nurse. He wasn't going to be able to leave as they still wanted to monitor him and he was on and IV, so I spent the night going back and forth every three hours to see/feed him. All was well and he got to come to my room the next morning. I took care of him all day and all that next night in my room. At one point during that night when nursing he started breathing/panting funny. I called the nurse in to check him out, they took him to the nursery and again told me the same thing about his panting. It was related to the fluid on his lungs and using a supplemental nursing system as my milk hadn't come in yet. The SNS was causing too much liquid at once they said, and he was getting out of breath. I checked again the next day with the nurse, the lactation lady AND our pediatrician. All said it was normal and he was fine. 

Discharged home. That night he didn't sleep well, definitely didn't nurse well, maybe only once at night. Finally got him to eat around ten am. He started panting again. It didn't get better. I called his pediatrician, left a message. Called again and spoke to a triage nurse. She said get him in to ER or Urgent Care. Luckily I picked the ER. 

We got to the ER where they poked him at least ten times to try and start an IV. No luck. In our 45 minutes down there he was getting bluer, colder and began to cry a cry I had never heard before. An unmistakable cry of pain, a cry as his body was shutting down, but we still had no idea just how serious it was. 

They transported him to the NICU, and when they saw him they got to work right away. They came out after a bit to tell us just how critical he was. You could tell by the grave looks on their faces that he wasn't doing well. A nurse practitioner came out to chat briefly with us and then get consent for an umbilical arterial line, as they couldn't get stuff in him to save him yet. Ironically, the NP that was working and came out to see us? Was the same lady who was working the nursery at the other hospital where he was born three days earlier. She's the one who took him back to the nursery while he was having his breathing problems. She recognized us and was able to go back and share our story with the doctor without getting much history since she already knew it. Kinda crazy. 

They worked on him for a long time. The doctor finally came out to talk to us personally. She told us repeatedly, "he's very sick, he's a sick little boy". She told us they were doing tests to see what it was. Either it was a metabolic issue or heart issue is what she said. We waited while they ran tests and tried to reverse the damage of his little body shutting down.  His blood sugar was less than 4, newborns need 40-200. They had to start him on sodium bicarbonate to reverse all of the lactic acid build up. He  was out on a vent, monitors, with tubes and wires going everywhere. 

Finally the doctor came back to get us. she showed us how to scrub in. she took us back to his room where he looked so fragile and delicate. They sat us down with a cardiologist in the room while other nurses and doctors buzzed and frenzied about, charting on laptops, adding more meds, he was already on nine or ten. They tell us we can't touch him, he de stats. We stare at the baby we were just holding and cuddling a few hours before, unable to sort our feelings. 

The cardiologist begins to speak. She pulls out a paper on a clipboard and it has a heart on it. His little heart was broken and no one knew. Shock went through Chris and I, tears, anger, frustration, we ran the gamut of emotions while she explained to us the diagnosis. Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. Our son was essentially born without a working left ventricle. What does this mean? What do we do? How did no one catch this my ENTIRE pregnancy? How did they not catch it at the hospital? So many questions, so much up in the air.

She explains he will need a series of three surgeries - all of which will take place by the time he is about three. She explains it will be a tough road but it is manageable. It is so much to take in. All the while, we are sitting in his little NICU room while nurses buzz about, doing lab draws, giving blood, chasing his stats to keep him stable.

Turns out his kidneys had no output. His liver wasn't allowing him to clot, his heart was all over the place working overtime and they were trying to keep his lungs from flooding - because his oxygen stats were 100 percent, the ER didn't realize that his lungs were overworking, but his heart was not getting blood out to all of his organs.

It was such a hard day. Chris and I left over 12 hours later, exhausted, emotionally and physically drained from all of the crying. To go from having a baby three days earlier to almost losing a baby three days later is something no one should have to go through. I can't even begin to describe how tough it was, and how it has been a steep and tough road since.

More to come...

Last Preggo Update

I can't even begin to describe how crazy life has gotten lately. Let me backtrack to where I left off.

I got a spinal tap on Tuesday June 18th. After another episode of increased blurriness and brightness in my vision - my vision decreased to 20/70 in my L eye and to 20/40 in my right. They could only assume that the pressures in my brain had gone up and wanted a lumbar puncture ASAP. So, they told me they would get me in - if not my neurologist would get me in himself in the ER. Well, they couldn't get me on the schedule, so he met me at the ER and performed the spinal tap on me himself.

He said he expected pressures to be in the upper 20s, normal range is 10-20. He had to stick me twice, first needle was too small and didn't produce the fluid results. Second needle worked. Ouch. And then pressures were 12. Stumped my neuro. He drained enough cerebral spinal fluid to create a new me.  He pulled out his little black book of neurology, ordered a laundry list of lab work to check for bacterial infection. He ordered things like toxoplasmosis, cat scratch fever, all kinds of crazy stuff. 

I woke up Wednesday and went to work. Before long I couldn't sit up right without my neck stiffening, my head pounding and vomiting. I went home and rested. That day, Dean McGee Eye Institute called and wanted to set up an appointment for that day. They were able to fit me in on Thursday and I found a driver (my mom) who could take me since I still could not sit upright. 

Thursday we drove to okc. I rode in the back, of course that's not safe, but I had no other choice. Arrived and spent most of the exam laying in my side in an upright chair. The doctor there was amazing and came to the conclusion that I was losing lots of color and vision but he believed 80 percent chance it would return. He diagnosed it optic neuritis and said it was either brought on by pregnancy hormones or was auto immune that was brought out instead of suppressed by pregnancy. I continued to be miserable from headaches. 

Woke up early Friday and headed back to the ER right after shift change. They got me in right away where I requested an epidural blood patch to fix the headaches. They wavered a bit but had no other treatment options so finally agreed. An epidural blood patch is where they draw blood from your arm and the. Immediately out it in your epidural space to help "patch" the holes and normalize pressures in your brain. Immediate relief. I spent the rest of my weekend resting and gimping round. Since my back had been through a lot and I was 38 weeks pregnant I was pretty stiff and sore. 

My OB appointment was that Monday. I went in and talked to my OB, and told him everything that had gone on and how the vision issues were in fact continuing to get worse and were pregnancy related. He wanted to do an induction that night! After talking with him we managed to to arrange an induction starting Wednesday night. I went back to work and the more I thought about it, and knowing I wasn't dilated or effaced at all, and he was still way up in the rafters, I decided to just request a c section for Thursday. I mean, I had already been through do much that past week and my back was still killing me, I just wanted it to be less stress on everyone. 

I worked Tuesday and then started my leave in Wednesday. Camden and I had a special day together, he came with me to my pre op appointment at the hospital and we did east he wanted to do which was go to chicken fil a and play and go swimming. We had a good time, stayed up past nap, took a nap together and snuggled. It was fantastic. 

Little did I know the end of my week and the beginning of the next were going to be a life changer in the most unexpected way...

36 weeks: a BIG update

Preggo Update -- LOTS going on. A WHOLE LOT. This post was typed about a week ago as tons more has happened since then. Will post more when I feel up to it!

 

So, the weekend of Memorial Day Weekend, I got a bad badheadache. It started on Sunday. I had a headache that whole week, that would NOT go away. I started to get worried when Thrusday my vision changed. It didn't improve Friday so I called my OB. He prescribed something for the headache and then I woke up Saturday with no headache finally, but my vision was still messed up. And when i say messed up? Like not fun. You know how you go outside and you come back in and everything is bright and blueish while your eyes adjust to the light? It was like that. Correction: is IS like that. Still. It also had tiny blurry spots oin my tight eye. Saturday I got in to my optomitrist so I could get things checked. He could see something going on but wanted to try least restrictive first, so he started with just lubricating drops for two days. No changes. So by Monday he put me on steroid eye drops every three hours.

 

Fingers crossed that would work.

 

And it didn't. Went back to my optomistrist on Tuesday. He was worried with how things look and set me up with an appointment with an ophthalmologist. I saw him by that friday - as I happened to call and see that they had a cancellation. Luckily, they got me in, told me there was definitely swelling on my optic nerves. Consulted with my OB and sent me for an MRI that day. 

 

Yep, an MRI at 36 weeks pregnant. Not so much fun laying on your back. Then the nice lady covered me up with a blanket which would be a nice gesture to anyone UNPREGNANT but instead I was burning up.

 

So I don't hear anything from the ophthalmologist until Monday. He calls to tell me the MRI is clear. I even had them check for the Sheldon that I had a while ago. No sign of him either. So they assumed that the pressure on the opic nerves is from Idiopathic Intercranial Hypertension. Ophthalmologist wants me to see a Neurologist. Had that appointment approximately 2 weeks after my eyesight changing for the first time.

 

And the doctor spent quite a bit of time with me. He recommended a spinal tap to decrease pressure, see if vision problems resolve and then to be put on a diuretic to keep the cerebral spinal fluid from builidng up again before delivery. It sounds like if I wait until delivery to have a spinal tap (before epidural) they are worried about lasting damage to my optic nerve. I will say, I do want to see again. Doctor mentioned he had seen plenty of people with this during pregnancy, but has never seen anyone present with this so late in their pregnancy. So, who knows.

 

Going to see where a spinal tap takes me and then I will be on the diuretic for a few months to be sure that I don't have this build up again and follow up with a neuro-ophthalmologist in okc. apparently there are only three in the atate, thats where they are located. Whew, lots of doctors appointments and bills. Crazy talk!

 

I have learned lots of things through this experience. In placing my faith in God, trusting that things will work out, not letting fear creep in, and most importantly, NOT taking things for granted. I am so blessed. I sitll have a healthy baby inside, I may not see clearly, but I can still see. I can't imagine how hard it is for peole that can't.

Here's my update:

 

How far along?: 36 weeks

Maternity clothes?: yes, for sure. All over please. Brought out my big "tent" shirts.

 

Sleep: not going so smooth. I hear EVERYTHING like normal on top of waking to pee at least three times a night. I can't turn over without waking up either, I usually sleep on one side until I goes numb, then I wake up to turn.

 

Best moment of the week: Picking a final name for 2.0. Being that much closer to full term!

Movement: Yes. Less than normal though, I think he's sleeping alot.

 

Food Cravings: Nothing in particular these days. Not like before. I really wanted Mexican food one night, so I got that.

Gender:  All boy!

Belly Button: Still popped and stretched thiiiiiiiin.

What I miss: Walking normal, turning in bed without having to wake up from my sleep, clothes fitting, working out, being thinner.

 

What I am looking forward to: Seeing again.

Weekly Wisdom: Having an MRI while 36 weeks pregnant is NOT comfortable, but can be done.

Big C Update: He still waffles between wanting to call him the other name or the ne we think we finally decided on. He prays for him on his own and will still kiss and huh him. Hope he's ready! 

33 almost 34 weeks : A Survey

How far along?: 33 weeks, 6 days according to my count. :)

Maternity clothes?: Yes, definitely yes. Please.

Sleep: Some nights good, some nights horrible! I had issues with nightmares a few times. I would wake up at three in and morning and then toss and turn for two hours until my alarm goes off. I feel horrible after a night like that. They were pretty unpleasant dreams about suicide and murders and gross stuff like that. Then like two days ago I slept all night and didn't even have to get up to pee.   

 

Best moment of the week: going to the doctor and hearing that 2.0 has turned and is head down (again!). So excited that he's facing downward.

Movement: Yes, finally a lot more now. Now that he's getting bigger and fluid levels are staying the same, I can definitely feel him more.

 

Food Cravings: Nothing really sticks out in particular. I'm not near as hungry these days (thank God - I've already packed on PLENTY of weight). It doesn't take a lot to fill me up these days, trying to enjoy that so I don't balloon up even worse.

Gender:  All boy!

Belly Button: Out on top, and stretched verrrrrry thin. In fact, I don't know that it can stretch anymore, that bad boy is shallow!

What I miss: Walking normal. Exercising without getting so winded or abdominal muscles sore. Fitting into clothes. Not having people make comments about how big I look, DAILY. Sheesh.

What I am looking forward to: Meeting this boy! I can't wait. I'm feeling so big that I can't wait to drop the weight and get moving. Let's do this!

Weekly Wisdom: Get to bed on time, cause sleeping will just get worse!

Milestones: being head down! yay!

 

Big C Update: Camden is doing great. He prays for baby brother all on his own now, he likes to kiss and hug him in my belly.  He knows what things will be for baby brother. He helped me to register at Target and Buy Buy Baby and enjoyed picking out things for baby brother. I can only hope and pray he will be a good accepting and helpful big brother!

The Family Addition::How Does the Love Grow?

Using my rearview mirror the other day I looked back at my little boy in his car seat, chattering away about the red, yellow and green lights. It struck me how big he looked. So tall, his face thinned out, I noticed there's not much baby chub left on his face. His shorter hair after a haircut made him look that much more grown, the adorable little sparkle in his eye as he talks to me and catches me sneaking a glimpse of him in the rearview. It struck me, hitting me like a ton of bricks and almost taking my breath away, that he won't be my baby much longer. It won't be too long before there is an infant seat next to him. Until he has to share his Daddy's and my affection with another human being. He will have half the attention, half our time, and I worry that half the love isn't enough.

I know that people say your love will grow. It will multiply and there will be plenty to go around. That doesn't change the fact that I worry how that's possible. It's one of those things that it's hard to believe until you experience it. I'm sure it will be fine and my fears are unfounded, but that doesn't make it seem any easier.

Things are so cozy as our family of three. We are able to take turns parenting through the tantrums and fits as needed in the evenings. We can share responsibility of bathtime and teeth brushing giving the other person a reprieve. Once Camden is down we are able to spend time together or one of us gets the evening to hit the gym. We have our routines down, our parenting styles meshed - and here we are about to change it all with the addition of a newborn that will suck the time out of both of us and the sleep out of at least one of us. ;)

Will my adorable big boy feel neglected? Will he still get all the 1:1 time with each of us that he needs and craves? I feel so busy sometimes now, I know things are going to get much, much busier. But, all for the better and in the best way possible.

But it doesn't keep me from wondering how on earth it's all going to work out. I pray God will calm my fears, expand my love and especially my patience as I help my firstborn work out his little emotions regarding his changing status in the family. I pray He will give Camden a sweet big brother's heart full of love and adoration, and that this transition would go better than I could ever imagine.

We will find out in eight weeks or less!!

Pregnancy Survey : 31 weeks.

How far along?: 31 weeks

Maternity clothes?: Pants yes. Shirts, still varies. Mostly, yes!

Sleep: Waking up once or twice to pee, but it could be worse. So far, not bad. Getting harder to get in and out of bed for sure though.

Best moment of the week: Feeling C 2.0 move. It's about time, he's a pretty lazy/quiet baby. I'm finally noticing him move a little bit more. Going back to see him again, getting his measurements.  He's officially moved back into the breech position. Actually more transverse. His head is up on my right side, his rear towards the left and his feet down low. Silly kid. He measures at about 3 lbs and 10oz, which is 49th percentile. Because he was facing my spine -  I didn't get any cool pictures of him which is my favorite part. That little stinker. Already living up to his last name - fitting right on in with the stubbornness of the family! ;) The doctor told me to "have a little talk with him" about turning. I guess he must not realize - that I already know that won't do any good. Haha. If he's anything like the rest of his family he will turn and stay put when he pleases! ;)

Movement: He still doesn't move much. Camden would have been using my bladder as a trampoline by now. This time around I'll have to lay on my back and push on him to see if he is still interested in moving! Funny I say he doesn't move much, but apparently he does if he flipped himself back to the breech position...

Food Cravings: Nothing in particular.

Gender:  Male. Gonna have me two little boys!

Belly Button: Stretched and a little pokey outtie at the top. It's weird like that.

What I miss: Sleeping all night, sleeping on my belly, walking normal. Being able to workout harder without losing my breath so easily!

What I am looking forward to: Meeting this little boy, getting through the next 9 weeks!

Weekly Wisdom: It really hit me this week that I have about 2 months until I meet this little character. I'm learning to appreciate and savor the moments of pregnancy because this is likely my last! I won't feel that kicking again in my belly that startles me when falling asleep, or being able to poke and feel something hard in my belly - we all know that afterwards when you poke it's nice and squishy!

Milestones: Down into the single digits when counting weeks. That's crazy talk!

Big C Update: He's at such a fun age. Talking and learning and growing. He talks about sharing his baby swing with baby brother and he will take the bigger swing that he calls "Daddy's swing". He talks all about sharing with Baby Brother and being a Big Brother.  I can't help but wonder how much of that he really gets though. He still wants to name baby brother "Come out" or "Candy Cane". Not sure where he gets this stuff!

29 weeks: A Survey

How far along?: 29 weeks.

Maternity clothes?: Pants yes. Tops, still a mixture but mostly yes.

Sleep: yes please! I'm always tired. Some nights waking up to pee, other nights waking up before my alarm having to pee so bad it hurts. 

 

Best moment of the week: Going to the doctor at 28 weeks, 3 days. Finding out that 2.0 has flipped and is no longer breech. Finding out that the intense pain in my left side is no big deal, and to deal with it. That means it's of no concern, so that's good! Hearing that I start coming for appointments every two weeks. ALREADY? We don't have a name picked out!!! Seeing 2.0's adorable little face on the u/s. Lordy he's cute, if I do say so myself.

Movement: Yes. I swear he flipped the night before my appointment because my kicks were still realllllly low the entire previous day.

 

Food Cravings: Nothing in particular these days. Not like before.

Gender:  Doctor said, "He definitely has a penis".

Belly Button: Still popped out a little at the top.

What I miss: Walking normal, turning in bed without having to wake up from my sleep, clothes fitting, not weighing this much in general.

What I am looking forward to: Hearing results of glucose test, seeing 2.0 again in two weeks, and meeting this character!

Weekly Wisdom: It can be really stressful switching insurances with 10 weeks to go in pregnancy. Just sayin'.  As of May everything will have changed, since Husband is switching jobs. It's a LOT of work!

Milestones: Glucose test, THIRD TRIMESTER!!

 

Big C Update: He's so cute. Sharing toys with baby brother, insisting on giving him hugs and overall just being sweet. I hope it's not such a shock when he really does arrive. Sometimes I wonder if he thinks baby brother is going to stay inside forever! I do have a cute video where I asked him if he wanted to say anything to baby brother and he said "come out!". We read his "I'm going to be a big brother book" the other night and he insisted on sleeping with it. We had to go back in after he was asleep and put it up so he wouldn't wake up with a dent in his forehead. 

My 28 week belly, courtesy of Husband. :)

26 Weeks and the survey says...

**a little late in posting this seeing as how I am almost 27 already!!**


How far along?: 26 weeks

Maternity clothes?: Pants, definitely yes. Tops, occasionally. My non pregnancy clothes are getting a little too short - so it won't be long before it's a permanent thing.

Sleep: Getting up occasionally to pee. Otherwise not bad. Sometimes that means I have trouble getting back to sleep. I've just started noticing that it's getting hard to turn.

Best moment of the week: Going to my doctor's appointment. Stubborn little baby weighs in at about 1lb and 15 ounces. Doctor tried to get a picture, but his arm was over his face. He's also floating way up high, breech. The doctor showed me my pelvis - it was a dark gaping spot. He said "that's where his head should be". Well that explains the very low kicks then! To find his head he had to go way up past my belly button. It was weird. I guess that explains why my belly button already seems to be sticking so far out - instead of tiny feet being up there - it's a big ol' head! (also according to some further research my uterus is now 2 and a half inches above my belly button. Sure seems to go fast!

Movement: Definitely. And like I said, very low.

Food Cravings: Guacamole. Last week I HAD to have biscuits and gravy. So much so that I went to the store that night and bought sausage and biscuits and made my very own homemade gravy courtesy of the Pioneer Woman. It didn't disappoint!

Gender: boy!

Belly Button: Like I said, sticking way out and the top of it popped out with about 8 weeks to go last time. The top of my belly button has been popped this time for weeks. Silly stubborn boy!

What I miss: Walking normal, not being out of breath when doing stairs, sleeping on my belly.

What I am looking forward to: I go back to my doctor in three weeks. I hoping baby will be more cooperative and I can get a darn picture! I also will have my glucose test.

Weekly Wisdom: Protonix. It is the best thing since sliced bread! For weeks I was uncomfortable with horrible reflux and not being able to sleep because of it. Doctor told me to try OTC stuff, no avail. I called back and they said this reflux med helps decrease stomach acid and is completely safe. Praise God! And the relief is AMAZING.

Milestones: Glucose test coming up, almost to third trimester. Doctor measured baby boy and said that he is measuring a few days ahead. I'm sure they'll keep an eye on that as they go!

Big C Update: He wants to name baby brother Candy Cane or Cupcake. He's fitting in with the C theme at least. He prays for baby brother every night and knows that he's growing in my belly. The other day he came up to me with two toys and all on his own gave me one and said "that's for baby brother and this one is for me". I died right there. Sharing with baby brother already? Soooo sweet!!

22 weeks.

How far along?: 22 Weeks 

Total weight gain/loss: I think this question is just funny. Loss? Really? Who does that? Jerks. I'm up like 18. I think. I never remember to weigh in the morning which is when I originally weighed. Pretty sure that's it.

Maternity clothes?: Yes, for pants. Tops are still mostly non maternity - which is good, Mommy needs her sweaters to fit for a few more weeks!

Sleep: I can't complain in this department. I mostly sleep on my side now, and can kinda do my stomach if I'm angled. I haven't had to get up to pee as often which is a total blessing. I just need to be able to get into bed at a decent hour! Heartburn is starting to rear it's head, ignoring it the best I can.

Best moment of the week: Seeing 2.0 on the Ultrasound. Looking good, all organs are accounted for and appropriately sized, right amount of chambers for the heart, and the placenta is high and in a good place.

Movement: Yes, especially at night when I'm trying to sleep. Honestly, sometimes I forget I'm pregnant. I have so much going on and so much to do, that those little baby kicks will often zero me back in to reality. OH yes, there is a reason why my belly sticks out, I'm growing a human!

Food Cravings: Guacamole and cereal, and smoothies. I had just Guacamole for dinner a few nights this past week. And cereal on the other nights. And? I love it. Husband isn't so thrilled since he would prefer that I cook, but I'm not craving much else! Does water count? I really go through a LOT of it in a day.

Gender:  Boy FOR SURE! I saw the goods at my appointment this last week, and you could see clear as a whistle it was a boy! He showed me the face, but I sure didn't see that as well as I saw the parts!

Belly Button: Still innie and will stay that way like last time, I'm sure.

What I miss: Not being so winded or dizzy when I move quickly. Also I have been doing really well at going to the gym, but when I come home my ab muscles literally HURT. I don't know if I am unconsciously trying to hold them in the entire work out so they are sore after I leave, or if the bouncing of the belly is too much. I don't remember this from last time, but I'm just being careful about it.

What I am looking forward to: Well last \week I was looking forward to my appointment. Making sure it was a boy! I got a special treat and due to weather related conditions I picked up Camden early and took him with me to reduce my driving. He was a little angel baby at the appointment, playing on my phone and obeying everything I said. He sat in the chair and played on the phone, looked up when I told him to look for baby brother, and instantly perked up when the doctor loudly played the heartbeat. It was pretty cute. And he was even cuter to me walking out. When the doctor first came in the room he brought him a sucker. Camden was excited for it and said thank you with a little prompting. On the way out, WITHOUT prompting - we walked by a man in scrubs (who was not my doctor - but it was still adorable nevertheless) and he said "thank you for sucker" and my heart. melted. right. there. What a thoughtful little boy!

Weekly Wisdom: heartburn strikes again right around 20 weeks. Awesome. Or not. Don't use pepcid cause it doesn't work.

Milestones: Past halfway! Whee!

Big C Update: He's adorable. He can tell me now that baby brother is in Mommy's belly. He knows it's not in Daddy's belly, and not in his belly. We pray for baby brother every night to grow big and strong. He's loving books and reading, still addicted to Mickey Mouse and astounding us with how smart he is on a daily basis. He still requires time outs to control himself, but he's progressing with learning how to get himself under control - unless he's super tired. He's doing well at obeying and he is honestly just such a joy. Love that kid.

these are pics at 21 weeks. Holy big belly!!

Clearing things up..

I posted this photo on fb a few weeks ago. We found out early, at 15 weeks. We announced the gender, but haven't worked on names. Chris wanted to be sure it was a boy. Apparently 99% sure and "pick out boy names" wasn't enough reassurance. So, I went to the doctor today to make sure the testicles hasn't suddenly sucked up and turned into a vagina.

Well good news, I had an appointment this week and it was in fact confirmed that its another boy! Everything looked good, so that's great as well. Bring on the sports and construction sites!!

Happy Valentines Day!!

I might have to stay off Facebook today because its extra annoying on this holiday. People posting pictures of unnecessary things, bears, flowers and candy. Yeah that's great, but shouldn't you show that love year 'round? Not only that but I am incredibly thankful for my Savior who loves me enough to send his son to die for my sins. Now THAT is incredible.

So, speaking of holiday gifts, what might I want? For me? I want my husband to do the dishes or mate his socks. Just simple stuff like that means more to me than flowers that will die or chocolate that will make me fat. Those things that aren't material tend to mean the most!

Enough of that. I'll be 20 weeks tomorrow, so here a picture of me and two of my three valentines!

End of Week Randoms

-Chick-Fil-A has done some work to make amends regarding their mishap earlier this week. Apparently it is a nationwide event at all ChickFilAs, and it is supposed to start at 6:30 AM. So - for those keeping score...I was right. They were wrong, they gave coupons. Good thing, because I normally LOVE ChickFilA I would hate to not visit out of frustrations.

-C got in a fight at school. Okay, so that sounds dramatic. But he's 2 and is still learning, but he was riding a bike, got off of said bike and then when another friend got on he decided he wanted it back and picked a fight. Silly kid. He even did so good that morning, sharing his puzzle with his friend, Tucker. He was so cute announcing, "I share with Tucker". Sigh. Silly boy. :)

-Besides the fight, kid has been really doing well at school. For three out of four days in one week I got compliments each day about what a good kid he is, how he has good manners and how he is really smart. Those compliments can mean the world to a Mama and really help to build me up. They told me that they think he is very advanced, he knows his shapes and colors and numbers really well and is still learning his letters. They said he is good at apologizing and obeying and that when he wants to disagree they ask him if he is obeying, and that's usually when he will perk up and say "ohhhhkay" and then do what they ask. They said he's really pretty agreeable and that they can tell I try and raise him with manners. It made my little Mommy heart swell, that's for sure. If one thing I learned from this week is that give compliments to other Moms, it just might make their day. Or their week.

-I did so good last week and made it to the gym FIVE times. That might be a record! This week is not shaping up quite as awesome. Hopefully I get in three. It's super hard though when I work that weekend. Also, my appetite is stil insane. I am so hungry, but I don't want to gain as much as I did with C 1.0, and I really don't want to waddle at my besties wedding. Oye!

-I started a FB page for my photography. Basically I wanted somewhere to put all of my pictures to showcase what I have done. Then people can look at it and decide if I'm worthy of some side jobs taking pics. Hopefully come springtime I'll get a few gigs to help save for baby stuff and pay for my lens. I really do enjoy taking pictures and enjoy providing them for people! Sometimes I just feel pressured, worried that I won't get the shots. It makes me nervous. But then time and time again, I do pretty darn good! I'm still learning, and really excited for what's to come. In the end, I need to recognize that I'm continually learning and growing!

-I'm definitely feeling Baby C 2.0 now. Just little tiny shifting in my belly for now. I was for sure at about 18 weeks that is what I was feeling. Kinda feels like popcorn. I remember that these are the pleasant movements - its later on when it's in your ribs and you can't breathe that you're thinking "whoa"!

And that's all the randomness for now. Have a great day!

Curse of the Hormones

Husband and I were putting Camden to bed the other night and little C was having issues with wanting to lay down. We were trying to get him covered, to say our prayers and to get our evening kisses. Of course, Pearl decided she needed to be on the bed, and things got all discombobulated so to be sure that C knew it was bedtime Husband had me to turn off the light while we finish tucking him in.

Next thing I knew, I forgot to get my goodnight kiss. Oh well, I thought. I'll get some more in the morning. We leave and start making our lunches for the next day.

But then Camden is fussing in his room, Husband goes in to settle him and he comes back and tells me "He wanted a kiss".

And then I can feel the hormone surge, but can't do anything about it.

Before I know it I'm standing in the kitchen making the next days peanut butter and jelly sandwich crying through tears about how "he doens't even need me". My husband, not realizing I'm tearing up, adds salt to the wound by shrugging and saying "He's a Daddy's boy". Before I know it tears are falling and I'm wailing out loud about how "he doesn't need me anymore". Husband turns around shocked, looks at me incredulously and asks "are you crying?" and then busts out laughing.

I realize how ridiculous the tears are and what it's over, but I can't make it stop. I continue to cry and pout and say "too bad 2.0 isn't a girl cause then I would have someone need me", which after it leaves my mouth I realize how utterly ridiculous I sound. Really, Courtney?

Before I know it, I'm laughing so hard I can't see through my tears and I have to take a bathroom break. Husband is still loudly cackling in the kitchen at me, and when I return he reminds me that "they will always need you". He then lovingly points out that he feels like he "always went to my mom more" and that everything will be okay - all while sneaking in one last snicker to make me want to punch him in the arm.

Curse the horomones.


******

I go to bed on Monday night knowing that the local Chick Fil A's are having free breakfast Tuesdays in the month of February. I look at the picture I have of the banner that has the dates and the line up of free food, as well as the times, 6:30 to 10AM. Perfect, I think to myself. If we get out of the house early we can stop by and get a free breakfast and I can be just a few minutes late to work. I set my alarm earlier than normal.

When the next morning comes I bust through my routine with ChickFilA on my mind, knowing that timing is everything to be able to stop and get breakfast at 630, drop off the dog and then C to daycare and then to get clocked in on time. We arrived at ChickFilA at 6:32 after a bit of a morning to get little C out of the door on time. I realized it had to be today or never, because today was a free kid-friendly breakfast; it was chicken minis whereas the other weeks are chicken biscuits or things that he wouldn't really have any interest in.

I pull up and the parking lot is incredibly full for being two minutes after opening. I get up to the drive through and ask the girl about the free breakfast. She states "Oh, that doesn't start at this location until 7AM".

Wait, what?!?

I knew I had a picture of the sign for THAT location. I contemplate ordering anyway, but look at the line of cars in the drive through that are 4 deep and realize I have no other choice but to drive off and leave, as I can still make it to work on time if I hustle.

Camden starts fussing in the backseat as we leave, "I wanna go back" and crying about wanting to play. That's when I start to tear up, I'm thinking "I promised my kid something and couldn't deliver" and "they lied to me".

Ridiculousness - I know, but I was frustrated. I busted my rear to get my 2.5 year old kid and I ready so that we could do this and they completely deflated my bubble.

I have Husband check to make sure I was in fact at the right ChickFilA. He's gets on the website and says that even the website says 630-10 at the particular location I was at. This of course, frustrates me more, but there's nothing I can do about it at this point.


Again...another run in with the hormones. At least Husband wasn't around this time to make fun of me! I hadn't noticed a big issue with hormones until these two recent incidents. Pregnancy hormones make it that much easier to cry, that's for sure!


*And note to self, double check Chick Fil A's advertising, as they apparently can be contradictory. Who knew?? I felt that was very out of character for them!

Survey Says!!! Almost 18 weeks...

How far along?: 17 weeks and 6 days or so

Total weight gain/loss: I haven't weighed lately. Which is nice. I think I may be up 12 or so. Trying to be good so that I can fit into my bridesmaids dress for my besties wedding at the end of April!!!

Maternity clothes?: Definitely pants. Most shirts are still non maternity since maternity is still too long. I don't really look hugely pregnant yet, mostly like I ate some big meals and need to hit the gym to work off some el-bees.

Sleep: I can still sleep on my belly if I angle my hips enough, and so that's good, since I sleep the best on my stomach. Waking up about once a night to pee. Could be even more restful if I didn't have crazy dreams!

Best moment of the week: I have already hit the gym 3x this week and it's not halfway over. Hopefully I can make it at least once more, 4x a week is ideal! Finding time to do arm exercises as well. I feel accomplished when I still get a workout in and still feel a little sore. Now if I could just walk past the free doughnuts at work....

Movement: I think I have felt some movement, but not really for sure yet. It was very slight if that's what it was.

Food Cravings: Yes! Okra, Guacamole, Ice Cream.

Belly Button: Still there. Probably will remain flat and an innie like last time.

What I miss: I miss being able to walk up stairs without getting winded, being able to do push ups when I work out - they now strain the muscles in my belly and make it hurt. Also, I was watching Friends at the gym the other day and Rachel had a glass of white wine. It looked so good, and I'm not even a big drinker!

What I am looking forward to: This weekend when I can hopefully sleep in a little on Saturday, and continue to get the house picked up and purged of things we don't need. It's an ongoing battle, that's for sure! Tossing names around with Husband. Hopefully we can make time for that soon, it seems to be a little on the back burner.

Weekly Wisdom: Go to bed early. I have had two nights in a row of crazy dreams. The first night was about people thinking Camden needed to go to a psych ward for his 'bad' behavior and the next night was about people breaking into the house and me trying to hide and keep the dog quiet so I could call the police. Both nights I had to completely wake myself up to end them. No fun.

Milestones: Not that I can think of. We know the gender, so that's exciting and a huge milestone. We want to be definite before we decide on names since the doctor was "pretty sure" he saw the proper anantomy. Wait I take that back. For the first time this week a patient asked me if I had a "bun in the oven". If others have noticed previously they didn't say anything OR they didn't have enough cognitive capacity to ask. The patient that happened to notice this week is very Axis 2 and Borderline and brags a lot about how rich and smart she is. So, props to her I guess!!

Big C Update: He is doing so well! He asked to nap in his new room and in his new bed last Sunday. So then we put him to bed there. And now he's been going to bed there every night! It's crazy, but he's doing really well. I hope it sticks. There have been a few nights where I have heard him fuss, which is what I was worried about - not being able to hear. Was it because of crazy dreams that I was sleeping light? I don't know, but I went in there the other night and he just wanted to be covered up. Once I tucked him back in and gave him a kiss he was good to go. I want to finish setting up his room so that he really feels like he lives in there. Right now we sleep him in his new room, and after he's up he goes into his old room to get ready. That routine isn't going to stick when there's a baby, and once we get his closet and clothes in the dresser moved over. The hard part though is he still uses the changing table. Kid is still in diapers and apparently proud of it as he has announced it quite a bit lately -- "I wear diapers!". No matter how many times I point out that Goofy and Daddy wear big boy underwear, it doesn't seem to phase him. What a mess he is!

And a picture for kicks... Taken at about 17.5 weeks. Also pardon the haircut that NEEDS to happen!!

Book of Faces..

This is the picture I posted on Facebook and I was stunned with the amount of likes and comments encouraging our sweet family and its growth.

Pretty amazing huh??

Survey says!

How far along?: 15 weeks 2 days

Total weight gain/loss: I am afraid to look. Honestly. Been trying to snack healthy. It's hard!

Maternity clothes?: Yes in pants. Just so much more comfortable. Thankfully that's what I got for Christmas!

Sleep: Still pretty good. Restless some nights and waking up to pee early, but I love my sleep!

Best moment of the week: Spending time in Camden's new room. Cleaning up our and purging things we don't need to make room for baby 2.0.

Movement: Not yet. Still a little early.

Food Cravings: Yes please. Craving fried chicken and waffles, also okra. Wanted blueberries really bad the other day and they happened to be on sale, so I could justify the purchase. I did manage to get some okra on Saturday, yum!

Gender: T minus 6.5 hours or so and counting!

What I miss: Nothing really. Maybe having a sports bra that fit?

What I am looking forward to: Gender reveal! - hopefully little one will cooperate and we will find out if it's a he or a she!

Weekly Wisdom: At 11 weeks I had a nurse practitioner at work have me turn in a circle and she told me boy. She said she was never wrong. Then I had a dream it was a boy. And then another supervisor at work did a crazy necklace thing by my hand and in front of my belly. She had me hold her necklace in my flat outstretched hand. She then picked it up by the clasp and dipped it down three times, and on the third time she held her hand up completely still. First time was a boy. She said that was for my first kid. She did it a second time. It swung again from front to back, so she said boy for my second. She did it a third time and the necklace didn't swing at all. She told me that meant I was only going to have two kids, and they are both going to be boys. She then went on to say that she has only been wrong once. Hmmm, we shall see!!

Milestones: I am starting to look pregnant. It's a love/hate feeling cause it's that point where it looks like I just ate too much for my last meal!

Big C Update: He still says he doesn't know if he wants a brother or a sister, we will make that decision for him shortly and inform him of what he's getting. He is looking so big these days, and just so fun to be around. Even if he's fussy. He is learning the importance of the word "obey" and has been sent to his room to calm down quite a few times recently. He's not allowed to come out until he is ready to say sorry, and he goes in there and sits in the dark and shuts his door. Needless to say, he doesn't stay in there too long before he comes running out signing AND saying "sorry". At least it seems to shut down his behaviors for a bit! He had a great morning last friday before school and obeyed and was just a joy to be around. What was the key? I think the fact that he got to wake himself up. But in the car he said "I obey Daddy" and then he went on to say "I obey Kisha too" (which is his teacher at school). I love it. I love that he's getting receptive enough to remember getting in trouble from two days before and what for - and actually learn from it.

Last one, then all caught up!!

January 3rd, 2013

The holidays have finally passed. Things have been so busy around here. Husband was off for most of the Christmas/New Years Days, but he was off working around the house or helping his dad around his house. Our main goal was to paint Camden's new room and put up crown moulding. Mission accomplished! We are still in the process of needing to clean out the closet in that room, just thinking about that gives me anxiety. Where are we going to put all the stuff we had in there? Oh, to have a bigger house. Maybe one day!

We managed to paint, cut in, Husband and his dad put up the crown moulding and I helped do more cutting in and taping and painting. We finally finished and were able to get the mattress out of the hall and get some stuff set up in his new room. He loves to go in there and play, and was very excited to have a bed in there. He woke up one morning when we were both at home and the first words we heard from his room? "I play Camden's new room". He calls the bed, "Camden's new bed" but will still request help climbing up at times. I don't think he understands that he will get to sleep there soon. We are still debating on sheets/comforters/quilts. I found a set I just LOVE at Pottery Barn Kids. But have you seen the prices there? DANG. I don't know for sure if we can afford that. We already went to ALL of the local stores and shopped online as well. We are still discussing - I mean how many times will we buy him a new comforter/bedding like that? I mean we will buy sheets I'm sure, but the big stuff I am trying to get Husband to see as an investment. Because it is.

Today I am 13.5 weeks or so. I still feel sleepy as all get out and have been going to bed early. I have been doing a little better at going to the gym, I hate going in January though because of all the Resolutioners. I am craving cheeseburgers, fried chicken with waffles and okra. I have not succeeded in any of these desires. I did just find out that Cheddars and IHOP have fried chicken and waffles. Who knew?!? Maybe I'll eventually get it. Also trail mix sounds really good and I'm considering making my own. That just sounds like a lot of effort though, so may not happen.

I am off this coming Friday because I work the weekend. I am excited for a day to sleep in, I am just so tired. I have a lazy day planned with C, he needs his rest as well. I went to pick him up from daycare yesterday and there was kid puking in the corner. Flu season and the sickies are just that bad. I want him to have a few days at home to rest, fingers crossed he doesn't catch any of it.

I am counting down the days until the big gender reveal. 11 days from today I have my next appointment when we should be able to see. I can hardly stand the wait! Sleep is going okay, I am pretty restless in the middle of the night and don't remember waking so often in the past. I can still sleep on my stomach so I better soak that up while I can. I still have to wake early to pee though, can't get around that.

Other than that, all things are focused on "Camden's New Room" and getting him to love that room, parenting our two year old that can have his moments and eventually planning to take down Christmas stuff. Lots on the 'to do' list!

Secret baby blogging, continued.

December 20th, 2012


I had another appointment on Monday at 11w and 2d. Baby looked good, was measuring two days ahead. (for fun: if you are doing the math that means July 4th!) I finally got to meet the doctor, and he's awesome. Like super incredibly nice. I was kinda wondering why I didn't switch sooner he was so stinkin' nice. Also I got there - paid a co-pay, had an ultrasound, labwork, met with the finanial lady and was back to pick up little C within like 45 minutes. Super efficient, which is what I like. The doctor said, "I'll admit, we do more ultrasounds than necessary, but that's really just for fun". Hey, who can argue with that? It's pretty cool really. At this office you get one every visit. Super cool! The office is nice and huge and all of the staff members have been super personable. Me likey.

The doctor said he had a guess on what the gender was, but wouldn't tell me. He said "it would just be a guess". We should get to find out in a month! Crazy that he'll tell me so early, I'm super excited. Husband thinks it's going to be a girl. I think it's going to be a boy. Husband wants a boy. I want a girl. Kind of messed up thinking a little, no? One of us is going to be right! Honestly, I'd be good either way. Now that I have a boy I can only envision myself as a boy mom, unless something were to change - I'm sure of course that I would adapt. Only time will tell!

We started painting Camden's new room. We picked a khaki color for three walls and a nice shade of blue for an accent wall. It looks good, and Camden is thrilled with his blue wall. He's so fun these days, I love listening to him tell stories. He always has such an inflection in his voice, always goes higher at the end of a sentence "Daddy paint-ing, and Momma paint-ing!" He loves to jabber and talk and talk, he comes up with new stuff all the time. The other day I sneezed and he said "Bless you Mommy" and I had no idea he knew how to do that. It was so sweet!

When you ask him if he wants a brother or a sister he says, "no brother, no sister either" while adamantly shaking his head. Haha! Smart kid. Too bad he doesn't have a choice in the matter! He identifies the room we are painting as "Camden's new room" and he likes to go in there to play while we are painting and prepping, but he still see's his old room as his room. Baby steps I suppose! He's so used to his current room that it will definitely be a change. Good thing we have time. We are talking about setting it all up and moving toys in there so he plays and gets more comfortable. I usually don't do toys in the bedroom because I want him to associate his bedroom with sleep, but I think I might need a different strategy for this one. We shall see.

Christmas stuff is in full swing. Baking, preparing, wrapping presents and of course last minute shopping. I can't believe it's already here and almost time for a new year! So much to do, so many people to see. I have a love/hate relationship with the holidays. It's cold, present shopping is stressful and there is SO much to do. I love getting to see and catch up with family. Maybe that is why my favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. All the fun of Christmas but less shopping/stress.

More to come!

Continued baby blogging

It's gonna be post heavy around here for a few days so I can catch up. Enjoy!!


December 11th

Been staying busy again around these parts. Camden had RSV end of last week and of course he shared that nasty head cold with me, so I have been clogged up/feeling horrible for the past 4 days or so. Hopefully it will pass soon, as I have had about enough of this! Plus, there's still Christmas shopping to do! I feel tired, of course being pregnant and having nasty sinus stuff is probably the main culprit for that. I'm hungrier in the mornings, that is definitely changing. I used to wait to eat breakfast, that just ain't happening now!

Camden is starting to feel better and Chris is starting to feel sick. :( We have a very busy weekend planned this weekend. Not only do I work all weekend but we have Lifegroup on Friday and Saturday is Chris' work party and we will probably go to that after we hit up church. Busy, busy. When are we going to get that Christmas shopping done?

Services at church have been amazing. I love Christmastime and the songs. So good! We are going to multiple Christmas services. Why not? We are going to volunteer at some too.

I'm thinking I should start telling people at work soon that I'm pregnant. Maybe in a couple weeks.

That's really all I can think of for now. Here's a survey I did to pass some time. :)


How far along?: 10 weeks 3 days or something.

Total weight gain/loss: I don't know. I haven't really been keeping track, but up a few pounds so far.

Maternity clothes?: Not yet. Just making do with tighter pants for now, or rigging with a hair tie.

Sleep: Fine, just waking up some nights to pee. Can't complain though. At least, not yet.

Best moment of the week: Realizing I go to the doctor next week, hopefully I'll get to meet the new guy this time!

Movement: Not yet.

Food Cravings: Salty foods. Chili pies. Hot dogs. A cheeseburger sounds soooo good right now!

Gender: No idea.

Belly Button: Still there!

What I miss: nothing really. Maybe my pants fitting comfortably? But that's inevitable.

What I am looking forward to: My next appointment. Finding out the gender in two appointments!

Weekly Wisdom: Don't eat too many beans. It was just really painful on my stomach.

Milestones: None really. Unless you count that I already had my first appointment!

Big C Update: We asked him again the other day if he wanted a brother. He said "not a brother" so we asked him if he wanted a sister. He said "not sister either!". So, it's going swimmingly. :) I think he'll start to get it later. We can only hope!

Finished up with a hair tie rigging picture for my dignity! ;)