Caysen: Two Months. A Letter.

Another roller coaster of a month has gone by, and you are continuing to grow and change before our very eyes.

This month the roller coaster started out with a warning from one of your neonatologists about your brain. We knew there was a significant bleed, but had never been told that the ventricles were swelling. In addition to that information they discussed the possibility of needing a shunt placed in your brain. 

After more waiting and testing and even more praying, we were told the ventricles were decreasing in size and the blood was clearing. Another example of God's healing through you and how beautiful it is! 

In this time you have also gotten a G a tube for feeds, since you just couldn't keep up. It's a lot of work eating all the food they want you to eat! Its hard for you to keep up with how many calories you need and how many you burn with your little heart working overtime! When you had the tube placed they also checked out your other organs and did a liver biopsy since you have been stooling white for a week. White stool means absence of bile, which is backing up in your body. You are noticeably yellower/tanner these days and that is what we have to figure out! 

You are continuing to be more awake, tracking things, even a few awake smiles. You are supposed to get 70ml every three hours, you are on five medications. You still rarely cry. You weighed 8lbs and 9oz at two months and are 22inches. You are still in newborn diapers, wearing newborn and 0-3 month clothes. 

Mommy had to return to work this month. It has been so hard, having your heart in multiple places. I just want to sit with you, be with you and work on getting your food taken by mouth.  I have had to learn to give up even more control than what I had, and being away from you is so hard. I know you are in good hands though. 

Caysen, I don't know how to even put into words how much you have taught me in your two months. You are a lesson and a reminder to me daily how precious life is, how important it is to savor every moment, every breath, every feeding, etc. Each new day is a reason to celebrate that we have been graced with another sweet day with you. You are our sunshine, our hope and joy, our testimony that God is so so good. 

As long as I'm living my baby you'll be,

Mommy

My sister thinks Caysen has a striking resemblance to Cam from Modern Family. I'll admit - I do see it! :)