Thursday, August 23, 2012

The Spot

So much going on around these parts lately. So sweet, exciting and bittersweet. Shocking too. 
You know how you feel like everything is smooth sailing in your life, and that you have had very few speedbumps recently, and then you think, surely there's got to be some challenges and trials, right? 
Allow me to further elaborate while I struggle to get my thoughts together.
There are times in life where you remember exactly what you were doing, where you were, or even what you wore, when faced with a big event.
For example, the OKC Bombing. I was in gym class in 6th grade. While we were in the locker room changing into our gym clothes a girl named Emmy came up to me and said, "someone set a bomb off a building in Oklahoma City, it's huge and tore the whole building up". I remember being skeptical. I mean, what did she know? Turns out, she was right. It was massive. As the day unfolded, TVs were on in every classroom and we learned the horror of what happened.
9/11. I was a freshman in college, in the middle of a Family Relations and Child Development Class. My teacher was not concerned, despite hearing reports that Tinker AFB which is nearby to my college campus had gone on red alert thinking they could be next. No one knew what to expect, most professers let students return to their dorm and watch the news, account for family, etc. Not my teacher. She lectured like nothing happened. I remember hightailing it out of class to get back to my dorm room to discuss with my bestie, Malissa. I mean, surely it's not OKC all over again, right? Turns out, it was worse.
There are other little events that I recall. I found out OJ got aquitted while on the school bus on the way home. A boy climbed on and hollered "The Juice is Loose, BABY". When Princess Diana died I was in 9th grade, I remember the teacher of my Biology class discussing it with the students. I think his lesson was to wear your seatbelt and drive safe, since we were all in Driver's Ed at that time.
What do most of these events all have in common? Any guesses?
Okay, I'll tell you. They are usually traumatic events. Something awful happened, and you'll never forget who told you, or that feeling in your gut when you got told.
I had one of those events recently. In fact, it was Tuesday, the night before Camden's 2nd birthday. 7pm to be exact. Husband and I were getting Camden ready for bed, they were showering. I was getting Camden's PJs laid out and my phone rang. I thought, what on earth is this number? Often, when I see a number I don't know, I ignore the call. I decided to go ahead and take it. I mean, what the heck. Turns out it was a guy from the Brain Research place that I volunteered at a month or so earlier to do a paid research study that involved an MRI. And before I realized what was happening, he was telling me that they saw "a spot". He said they had already sent my scans to a neuroradiologist in OKC for review. And they recommended further testing, so they wanted me to follow up with my primary care doctor and go from there. I was calm and collected until I hung up the phone. Asking any question I could think of, but of course after hanging up I had a bazillion more. During the phone call the guy stuttered a lot, having difficulty finding words. I don't think I was really worried until he asked me how my health had been, if I had been sick since my MRI or anything like that. When I answered, "no" and he seemed a little shocked, that's what I keep overanalyzing.
Such a punch in the gut. And probably one of those events where I will remember the phone call vividly. Also, I'm a professional over analyzer apparently. So after a rough night of coming to terms with the news I'd been given, I had to let go of it. I had to work my way into telling people about it in person without becoming upset. I gave myself 24 hours of upset time. After that? Absolutely not allowed. I don't have time to be upset or worry, there is too many other things to be grateful for. And ultimately, God has his hand in this like he has in every other area of my life. When I start to question things or doubt or start to play the "what if" game, I have to stop myself. I don't allow myself to go there. God's got this. If it is something, we were meant to find it early. If it's not? It still has a purpose. I just have to wait and see what God is revealing to me.
In the meantime, prayers are appreciated. I have an appointment with my primary doctor on Friday afternoon to get a referral and all I can do is go from there. It's the waiting game. Also to the ten people that read this blog that I know in real life, I did not make it facebook official, so please no posts. It's more of a personal thing at this point. Also? I'm going to name the spot. I've been known to name things such as the cyst I had in my wrist in high school, so why should this be any different? Name is to be determined.
And I'll leave you with a verse that really spoke to me the other day when it popped up on my daily Bible reading plan on YouVersion..
She is clothed in strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. Proverbs 31:25


  1. I love the verse. It was meant to be there for you, almost as if God is already saying, "I got you covered." Kinley and I have been praying for you when I rock her to sleep at night.

  2. You are EXPERIENCING God. Often we see God, hear God, learn ABOUT God but you are getting a whole new and different understanding of God. God has your back and you are experiencing His protection, comfort, and divine love that He has for you. The promises that we have in life are only the ones that are clearly written in the Word. We have no other guarantees in this fallen world. Your value to Him extends past this world and what it can offer. We have forever! In THAT you can take comfort! I love you and I can trust God with your future! And it's really good. :0)

    Love, Mom