Saturday, December 14, 2013

Caysen's Dedication Letter

Dear Caysen,

Tonight we are dedicating you at church. A night we weren't sure we would ever have the honor to experience. 

Honestly, your Dad and I debated about whether this timing was wise or not. You are in a very fragile state - not tolerating your feeds well, and with your heart in a "band - aided" state that if you were to get sick, we would likely be back in the hospital after just discharging 16 days earlier. Those germs, those people with all their new germs, make everything so risky. But? We don't know what the future holds or where you will be during the next dedication. 

We decided this was far too important to us. We want to make this statement before our friends and family, we want to commit to raise you in a Godly home, teaching you about Christ and His love for YOU, and most importantly giving you back to Him.

And you sir, he loves you so very much! He has proven His love for you time and time again in your short five months. From assisting the doctors to save you on your third day of life, to countless surgeries, hospital visits, procedures and interventions. You have been through more than most children this age, and you are still here today by His grace.

Caysen, your Dad and I had such big plans for you. We had mapped out the way we were going to do things. But God had different plans. Bigger plans. He has great things in store for you. I have learned not to plan ahead much further than tomorrow, as God always has a different plan. But, it's a BETTER plan. These days I don't want much for you, besides for you to remain with us. I don't care what you do in your future, or what you are or are not capable of. Honestly, I want the best but when it comes down to it, I don't care if you grow up to be a successful businessman or a cook flipping burgers at McDonalds. I want you to have joy and to know Him, and all that He is. As long as you have that, I know you will be wealthy in more ways that you ever could need.

I want you to know on this night that we are dedicating you, how much we have learned from you. (And not just in medical terminology and diagnoses!) You have taught us more in your short time here with us than we have learned in our entire lifetimes. We have grown closer together, we have learned to seek and ask for help, and most importantly how to walk the closest we have ever been with the Lord. We can't thank you enough for strengthening our bond, our committment towards our family and most importantly our faith. We have learned that there are so many highs and lows, that sometimes it's a sickening roller coaster. But you would never appreciate the highs, if it weren't for those stomach dropping lows. Besides, it can be lonely at the top. But when you are low and leaning on Him, you find much more comfort than you realize.

I was thinking about your name the other day. We really didn't decide until the week before you were born if you were going to be a Corbin or a Caysen. When I go back and look up the meaning of your name, I find a variety of answers. "A variation of Casey", "pure" and "vigilant one". The last two particulary stick out in my mind. You are so young, so pure, so innocent and have been through so much. We have spent countless hours in the hospital, awake at night, praying and keeping vigil over you. The more I look back on it now, your name is just perfect and completely fitting for you.

I'll close with your life verse. It was hard to choose, as you have SO MANY verses that I use to think of you. The entire passage from Jesus Calling on your day of birth is one of my FAVORITE ever, one of the best reads that I go back and look on every time something comes up and I need encouragement. But I didn't choose those verses as your life verse. I chose the verse given to me by my friend Malissa, one that is fitting as it is the Psalm of your birth DAY and birth YEAR. I have included the verse after - because fittingly verse 14 discusses the heart. 2014 Is going to be a great year!

I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. (Psalm 27:13, 14 NIV)

We love you so much Caysen. We are beyond thankful for you and have been so blessed by you in countless ways. You by far are the most difficult, challenging and yet rewarding thing we have ever been given the task of caring for. We love you more than we could ever put into words.

Love you to the moon and back!
Mommy and Daddy

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